Damn damn dammmmmmmmmmn: DMX gets a year

I was so busy pressing my edges, I didn't even notice we had another Negro soldier down.

DMX Gets One Year in Prison


(I will NOT talk about why his hair resembles the fur of a very well-loved teddy bear OR the James Evans hairline OR him suddenly being a Baby Boomer. You can't make me.)

Court officials in Arizona say the rapper known as DMX has had his probation revoked and is heading to prison for one year.
The Maricopa County Superior Court issued the ruling Thursday against the rapper, whose real name is Earl Simmons.

Is anybody seriously surprised by this? In addition to having caught the train to Irrelevancy Land years ago, he's obviously been divorced from his sanity since the '90s. You love him. You want a comeback. IT AIN'T HAPPENING. Negro's nuttier than a Whatchumacallit and deeply committed to Mission Self Destruct. Lauryn Hill syndrome. I might try it some day - it looks like fun, except for the whole becoming a mockery of your former self, losing your money and dying in pissy draws in a van down by the river in Cleveland part.

Former glory AKA "Can't nobody sang like Eddie Kane" game proper!



Think you gotta let it go - look like another (drug) TKO!

Today in Irrelevance...

Pic from Ja Rule's website (muffled laughter)

UPDATE: Ja Rule Gets Two Years, or sumpin' like that. Well I don't know about you, but I'm gonna have to take a few days off work.


Blank stare. This right here is devastating. I'm serious - I may need to hum and rock with it because I'm not sure how the community is going to rebound.

Rapper Ja Rule's future in hip-hop may be in jeopardy as a pending gun trial is set to begin as early as this week with jury selection reportedly taking place today.

I mean, WTF. We just lost Wesley (I'm collecting soaps, apple jelly and lip gloss for a Pelican Bay gift basket, BTW), DMX is actin' up and now this? I mean, Ja Rule brought up soooo many hits. Who can forget _____ . And then there was _______.

And I know exactly where I was when I first heard _________.

I implore you White America, don't take Ja Rule from us. Now excuse me while I go hum it out.

Snipes Watch 2010: Take it to Kang Jesus!

The thing with going to jail is, you want to NOT concede that you're afraid.

From CNN:

Actor Wesley Snipes said he was nervous about going to jail on Thursday, but was hopeful that his prayers would be answered.

"We still have prayers out there. We still believe in miracles. So don't send me up the river yet," Snipes said in an interview on CNN's "Larry King Live" Tuesday night.

more
Prayers? Don't send him up the river? There's still hope?

Ninja you're going to jail TOMORROW. Your chances of getting a last minute miracle are about as real as Nicki Minaj's ass. And that's not very. (Don't attack stans, don't attack! I love the Barbie Queen!)

I suggest you watch a whole LOT of "Locked Up" on MSNBC tonight. They got all kinds of tips for making shanks and toting things anally - or as I like to call it, "shoot stashin'" (Copyright Hostile Negress 2010), and generally good background on appropriate jail gangs to join.

PS: Did you watch the video dear reader? Oh, but you must. If only for the suit. If only for the suit.

Free Nino!!!!

We're not going to talk about why you're not looking at a Florida Classic blog right now. Because it would just be impolite for you to press me out about that, and I just KNOW my faithful readers (muffled laugh) wouldn't want to make me lose my composure :)

Moving on. Today in coonery: Wesley Snipes is jail bound.




For those of us unfamiliar (and what's the rent like under that rock?) the Vampire in Brooklyn himself has been sentenced to three years in prison after an ongoing battle over tax evasion or some such.

Now, far be it from the Hostile Negress to kee kee as Captain Darkness prepares to enter the tossed salad camp, even if he DID say he'd rather date himself in drag than than waste his delicate good looks on the coonettes of the world. After all, midnight marauders need love too and deep down, the blackettes know they're having no parts of Mr. Snipes. Why be upset if the feeling is mutual? White women for everybody! I digress. While I won't mock the man who regularly showed up for breathless attorney meetings at my old Atlanta office, I WILL take a moment to offer a severe, third degree squinch eye to the myriad of black male celebs who recently decided on jail as the next logical career step.

Wayne, T.I. I'm looking directly at you. Gucci, I would be looking at you, but I don't have the stomach for that this evening.

Newsflash: Nobody needs you to prove your street cred. We all know you sleep on stacks of money and aren't out on the cold streets of anywhere hustling. You've got people for that!

So why don't you have people around to take the fall for your criminal "misunderstandings"? I definitely have someone to hold my cocaina AND my pills, no shade. I can't be gettin' yanked up - I have albums to drop!

The greater questions:

a) Is there an age when this gets old? Because I'm thinking Snipes has possibly passed that age. And Wayne too, no shade (I know 30s when I see 30s...)

and

b) Tax evasion? Is that really what's taking Nino Brown down? The old man with the shaky gun was much more entertaining. Can we at least get a shoot out? Ok, ok, I'll settle for Christopher Williams singing "Don't wake me, I'm dreaminnnn!"

For his sake, I hope Snipes recalls a little bit of that jiu jitsu from his Blockbuster hits. Donning one of T.I.'s Cosby sweaters and some erudite personality glasses is advised; he's also still got time to rescue a would-be jumper!


"Nino Brown, your presence is required in hell" game proper!!!!


(*lest we forget, Lil Wayne actually has used the Nino Brown moniker for a series of direct to street films. Black progress in action people!)