Powered By Blogger

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

KFC to expand in Africa. Nothin' to see here folks!



I'm so glad they're bringing this to the Mother Land. Nothing offensive here folks!!! (side eyes on the prize)

Yum Brands Inc. now sees Africa as its next international jewel.
By 2014, the Louisville, Ky., restaurant-holding company expects to double its number of KFC outlets in Africa to 1,200.


I would like to take this moment to express my boundless joy with the tastenificent golden delight that is Original Recipe. Punks jump up to get beatdown@Popeyes. You'll never match the herbs and spices.

Snipes Watch 2010: Take it to Kang Jesus!



The thing with going to jail is, you want to NOT concede that you're afraid.

From CNN:
Actor Wesley Snipes said he was nervous about going to jail on Thursday, but was hopeful that his prayers would be answered.

"We still have prayers out there. We still believe in miracles. So don't send me up the river yet," Snipes said in an interview on CNN's "Larry King Live" Tuesday night.
more

Prayers? Don't send him up the river? There's still hope?

Ninja you're going to jail TOMORROW. Your chances of getting a last minute miracle are about as real as Nicki Minaj's ass. And that's not very. (Don't attack stans, don't attack! I love the Barbie Queen!)

I suggest you watch a whole LOT of "Locked Up" on MSNBC tonight. They got all kinds of tips for making shanks and toting things anally - or as I like to call it, "shoot stashin'" (Copyright Hostile Negress 2010), and generally good background on appropriate jail gangs to join.

PS: Did you watch the video dear reader? Oh, but you must. If only for the suit. If only for the suit.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Botswana President: Husky chicks need not apply!


You know, we here at The Hostile Negress are a fair sort. We believe in shedding light on negro shenaniganry among American AND African brown folk.

And in that vein I present:

Botswana President Explains "No Fatties" Policy


Botswana President Ian Kharma says he doesn't want a fat wife, because "she may fail to pass through the door, breaking furniture with her heavy weight and even break the vehicle's shock absorbers." Read more


Yes lawd. Don't you just love how Africans can be so polite and straight forward? He's not a hater folks. He is just concerned that she may fail to pass through doorways. He's no politically incorrect. He's just concerned about his ride.

I mean, what's the problem here? You, my dear misguidedly politically correct soul, YOU are the problem. Now stop eating that baconator right this instant. My Cutlass can't take it.

Seriously, where are the PR folks in Africa???

Monday, December 6, 2010

Tragic Visual #2,384,899, Sexy Santa



Why was this allowed to happen?

And when will we address that Mariah is not getting bigger in the stomach, but everywhere else? Eyebrow raise... Methinks she will soon give birth to a 7lb, 4oz. bag of tortilla chips.

CNN busts open braid slave trade! (put down your Kemi oil and do something!)

*singing* Lawd lawwd lawd laaaaaaaaawd! I thought we overcame!!!???

From CNN:



Held as slaves, now free

The girls' families sent them to the United States after being assured they would receive a better education. But once they arrived, they were forced to work in hair braiding shops across the Newark area -- just a short drive from New York City, right in the shadow of the Statue of Liberty...
more


Let me shout out E-Marvelous (we’ll get into why you’re not following me on Blogger over cyber tea ... ) for outpointing this tremendous tale of human slavery, as told by CNN, our brothers in the struggle.
Don’t sniggle colored people. Today, right now, in plain sight, Africans are being enslaved – as hair braiders. You read that right – Kembe and Yetembi and them are being chained to chairs, beaten with rattan rods and ravished so that YOU can have some Senegalese twists. Africans bagged up and shipped out for YOUR Shenehneh braid whims. Now don’t you feel like the filthy, yet well-coiffed individual you are???

Apparently this has been poppin’ off in Newark, New Jersey, where, though I’ve never visited, I am 90 percent confident many people feel they too are enslaved. The two girls in the video were trundled off from Africa with promises of wealth and video ho status (my add) and instead emerged from their transcontinental flight to find themselves sleeping on pissy mattresses by night and poppin’ buckshots by day. That's happened to me at least twice.

Now, The Hostile Negress isn’t about downplaying the terror of slavery. I’ll leave that to CNN. Seriously, are you comparing the systematic, centuries long pandemic of Africans being abducted, raped, tortured, beaten and made to sleep with creepy old white men to this? Because seriously, while it’s way jacked up that these girls had to do dukey braids for free, I’m gonna say it falls just a little short of the scale of the Middle Passage. Moreover (don’t you love that word) I have to question the timing of this: The case is over and at no point during her oddly punchy delivery does the reporter explain why we’re suddenly talking about this. Better yet – has CNN never been to Harlem or New York in general? You can’t ride the MTA without being assaulted by throngs of dead-eyed African girls demanding that you come in for some discount straightbacks. Take a walk down 123rd and peek into a couple of those “salons” – hell I feel enslaved just lookin’ in those dirty places!

Where’s my CNN expose damnit.

The Hostile Negress is growing increasingly concerned with the pattern of negro "mess"poses over at CNN. Lest we forget the recent “ministry or minstrels” piece about shouting preachers; the piece on whether the black church keeps black women single or hell really just the entire Black in America series. I'm starting to wonder whether these kee kees are on purpose!

A few notations:
- Is anyone else catching the irony of one of the “slave girls” having braids? Kizuwanda better not have had anything to do with this. The cycle continues!!
- And did anybody else find themselves distracted by that weave of many colors? I was fascinated.
- Can we discuss the younger girl’s clear victimization at the hands of eyelash weave traffickers? This isn’t funny so don’t you dare laugh – women in my family are dropping like flies at the hands of these people. They must be stopped! #giraffegameproper
- And did nobody catch the REAL reason why this happened? One look at the ringleader and we see what the issue was: Her snatched back hairline is clearly suffering the devastating ravages of too many braids. She was simply seeking justice for her decimated edges, targeting one tight-gripped braider at a time.
Can anyone blame her?No justice, no (hair)piece!!!!!

Friday, December 3, 2010

U.S. Rep. Frederica Wilson heads off hat trouble - Florida - MiamiHerald.com

U.S. Rep. Frederica Wilson heads off hat trouble - Florida - MiamiHerald.com

Why can't we do better? I'm just getting into the yellow cowgirl action. Seriously?

Didn't Mary J. wear that in the "All That I Can Say" video? Hated it then, hate it now.

What's trying my already limited patience is the fact that this is far from the first black female lawmaker I've encountered with the "church lady syndrome."

Girl I don't!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Women Hide Merchandise Under Their Fat Folds During A Shoplifting Spree!




*singing* Circles circles, round and round and while you're doing me so wrong I just keep holding you down!!!

Negro community, why hast thou forsaken me?

In the folds of your fat? Under the tittays? I blame Jack Johnson's wife for starting this.

Meanwhile Shmeco lookin' like "What? Oh, I guess I shouldn't have done that huh?"

I know this much: They ain't NE'ER gonna find the pig feet. *smug grin*

Get money!!!!