Friday Realness: Have you ever told someone you just didn't like their ass?

"If ya don't like the batch, snatch her wig off and toss it in her lap!"


Though I wish I could, I can't take credit for the above spark of brilliance - that goes to Freshalina, maven of Crunk and Disorderly and an icon of fuggery that I can only aspire to. But isn't it so true??? If only we could solve all our problems that way.

On to the Friday Realness Question of the Day (presented at 9 a.m. sharp CPT, which is apparently 4 p.m. Eastern)

Have you ever just told someone you didn't like them - straight up, no chaser, to their face, Do. Not. Want??? How'd they respond?

I'll be waiting patiently for the hoard of commentors to send their responses (sarcaaaaasm).

Meanwhile, get on into the slow mo wig snatch. In. The. NAME.



(Of course normally I would use this as an excuse to post up the trans beauty queen getting her peluca snatched for the gods in Brazil somewhere by the world's most evil runner up *two snaps in a circle* but I'm saving that for a rainy day)

Vivica Fox wants babies! (and other miracles Jesus won't be performing )

I don't know about you, but I'll sleep better knowing that Vivica Fox's womb won't be lonely!

From Necole Bitchie:

Vivica A. Fox sat down with her homegirl Wendy Williams recently and discussed getting married in the near future. Her boyfriend Slim was there in the audience showing support. Although, Viv is 46 years old, she tells Wendy she still plans on having kids. Peep how the conversation went:

Is he a keeper, do you want to have a baby and get married?
Viv: Absolutely. I think my career has been my baby for such a long time and I’ve done well by that. Now, I waited for God to send me a good man and he’s a good southern man.

Do you still get full menstrual cycles?
Viv: Yes, you have to worry about that.

I think I speak for us all in saying:




Apply that to the question, the answer and the miracle of St. Assissi that would have to happen for anything but an errant barnacle to grow in Viv's petrified womb at this point.

She should just get a luxury purse. Babies are real last season.

Damn damn dammmmmmmmmmn: DMX gets a year

I was so busy pressing my edges, I didn't even notice we had another Negro soldier down.

DMX Gets One Year in Prison


(I will NOT talk about why his hair resembles the fur of a very well-loved teddy bear OR the James Evans hairline OR him suddenly being a Baby Boomer. You can't make me.)

Court officials in Arizona say the rapper known as DMX has had his probation revoked and is heading to prison for one year.
The Maricopa County Superior Court issued the ruling Thursday against the rapper, whose real name is Earl Simmons.

Is anybody seriously surprised by this? In addition to having caught the train to Irrelevancy Land years ago, he's obviously been divorced from his sanity since the '90s. You love him. You want a comeback. IT AIN'T HAPPENING. Negro's nuttier than a Whatchumacallit and deeply committed to Mission Self Destruct. Lauryn Hill syndrome. I might try it some day - it looks like fun, except for the whole becoming a mockery of your former self, losing your money and dying in pissy draws in a van down by the river in Cleveland part.

Former glory AKA "Can't nobody sang like Eddie Kane" game proper!



Think you gotta let it go - look like another (drug) TKO!

Long sigh: Brothers in Ohio Fight Over Chicken

Judge not lest ye be judged: Who among us hasn't thrown a bow over an extra crispy thigh?? Read this and find yourself quickly enraptured in a dramatic tale of family strife (spoiler: The mom and her trifling ways are COMPLETELY to blame for the stitches and short term memory loss this poultry pounding surely triggered...)

An Akron man suffered severe head injuries after police said he was attacked by his brother, who wielded a crowbar during a fight ignited over a half-eaten piece of fried chicken.
A warrant was issued Sunday for Tony Morris, 37, of Akron. He is charged with felonious assault, domestic violence and menacing. Police say they were called to a home on Wildwood Avenue where the men were visiting their mother Sunday afternoon. The brothers were watching TV in separate rooms when Thomas Morris, 41, said a piece of chicken was tossed in his direction.

OK I'm also guilty of tossing a half-eaten leg into a crowd before, you know, just to see how quickly folks would scatter.

The mother, 57, who admitted she ate the chicken, called 911. Before leaving, Tony Morris threatened to return with a gun and shoot his brother, police said. Thomas Morris was taken to a local hospital.

And the culprit is discovered. ALL. HER. FAULT. Now the man can't remember to wear his draws on the inside, not the outside of his pants - all because you had to sample the viddles.

*damn Gina, are you happy now?? *

Bed Intruder Christmas Carol - They Rapin' Errrryboday!

You didn't think I was going to forget my Christmas spirit did you? What kind of negress do you think I AM. I've been whippin' up holiday pancakes all morning and practicing for the plantation recital! But I wanted to take a break to bring you this special message from Liberty University. Yes, THAT Liberty (Falwell, white, racist, crazy Christian, maniacal - THAT one.)



I'll hold your egg nog while you lean and rock with it.

Negro Please Alert: Michael Vick wants a family dog (with video)

Michael Vick: A new dog could help my rehabilitation



Sometimes my ability to throw shade escapes me - no rest for the weary as long as some of Us are around. I'm just gonna go sit in a rocking chair, lay a blanket over my lap and cling to the old rugged cross on this one.

Wednesday Foolywang: NAACP goes white with it! (I blame Eminem)

Here's some foolywang, fragganackle shazzamery for ya. Why? Well duh, it's WEDNESDAY!



JSU's new NAACP president is not of color

One of the Mississippi Chapters of the National Association For The Advancement of Colored People has a new leader, and he is white.Michael Teasley is the new president of the JSU Chapter of the NAACP.

And HERE'S where I dropped my stack of pancakes:

Teasley says the selection of a white man to lead one of the organization's chapters shows its real mission to represent more than one race.

Who would've thunk it? This entire time I thought the goal of the NAACP was to keep the Klan and them off my ass. Well I guess I had it all mixed up.

And it took a white guy to tell me. Shout out Paul Wall, Eminem and This Guy.