Video: X Factor's Prince doppelganger is coming to a TV near you! (And he's bringing his nuthuggers and his fiercest wrap...)

X Factor's Siameze Floyd Shopping Reality Show (Scroll down for preview of life...)

If you’re unfamiliar with the shimmering sex vornado of kitten heels, man cleavage and Lotta Body Wrap Spray that is Siameze Floyd (copyright 2011) consider your life empty indeed.

In case you missed it, gather your emotions, squeeze your legs together and prepare as the DJ brangs it back:



This burgeoning intersex icon took the world by storm on X Factor a few weeks back, simulatenously challenging batches everywhere to step up their unicorn/horsey kick game, while representing the Little People, Big World: Talent Division’s global debut (child hush, you were wondering about the proportions on that head too.)

What you didn’t know: Siameze Floyd was apparently raised by a harem of Rick James’ old backup hoes and is descendant from a line of “men” (shifty eyes) whose hair is laid like a canister of refrigerated leftover relaxer (you’ve done it bitch, don’t lie) and whose sexuality is more ambiguous than Nivea’s career.

Now that’s DEEP.

Oh, and did I mention that this polyamorous family which clearly shares hair products across gender lines is also hoping to share its story with the world via a reality tv show?? Feast your eyes on the preview prize and click it for Jaysus:




YES. GAWD. THAT is what’s for dinner! Can you even BEGIN to imagine the type of capoeira-style hand to hand combat that erupts when the Pink Oil Moisturizer sheen spray supply dips low in that household???!!! Chile bye - I bet that's how the other three wives died...


I for one say the time is absolutely right for this show - this is a civil rights issue dear readers!

For too long Prince as been forced to carry the load of being a spokesperson for the intersex community on his petite shoulders alone. He’s had some notable help in more recent years:

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Not to mention a couple of older gwerls:




Yet the community has remained largely underground, reliant on the occasional awards show or backup singer appearances (I see you Norwood...) to affirm their existence. And we won’t even begin to get into the trials these delicate rosebuds have suffered trying to obtain extra schmedium nuthugger jeans with adequate elasticity - another time, another place.

The production of this show would truly be a victory for the community. If you love me dear readers, call, text, email and provide sexual favors to anyone at VH1 to ensure that this spectacle of niggatry makes it to the tube.

If you won't do it for me


Do it for Mother Nick.


Ashe.

Michael Jackson had herpes????

Trial of Michael Jackson doctor Conrad Murray Begins (Oh and herpes accusations are in the mix...)

Michael Jackson's personal pubic hair stylist took the stand Wednesday (a side part for all seasons...) - TMZ


In case you haven't been keeping up - and really, what could POSSIBLY take precedence over waiting with baited breath to capture a glimpse of Jermaine Jackson in all his leathern-faced glory - the trial of Dr. Conrad Murray has begun.

This is the former doctor of Michael Jackson who killed him dead suffered some difficulty saving the Great White One resulting in him currently being deader than a mofo. TMZ is on the case, and if you thought some fuckery would result from this trial you were absolutely correct.

The defense has already begun insinuating The Great White Hope killed himself, Jermaine is already shilling books dressed as a goth nutcracker, our friend above is sitting on the stand lookin' like an extra from Harlem Nights and oh yes, Jermaine's hair is looking like this:

 


Oh - and it's being implied that Michael Jackson either had herpes or some type of addiction to a potentially fatal creme of cocaine. Or possibly both.

From TMZ:

Williams said after he learned of Michael's death, Murray came up to him and said there was "some cream Michael wouldn't want the world to know about." Murray asked him to drive him to the home so he could retrieve the "cream."

Excuse me while I take this to Kang Jaysus...

Sly Stone is homeless, badly dressed and oh yes BATSHIT CRAZY (but you knew that)

This is what WTF is all about.


Mmmmhmmm. Look directly at it. Take it all in. Let it work on ya.

If you haven't the strength to read this post without an orderly to hold you upright or a rocking chair with arms suitable for clinging, then just read this money quote and know in your heart that worse was yet to come:

From NY Post:

“My music is a format that will encourage you to have a song you won’t forget. That’s why I got so much money, that there are so many people around, and that’s why I am in court. Millions of dollars!” Stone says. “But now please tell everybody, please, to give me a job, play my music. I’m tired of all this s--t, man.”

Views You Can't Use: Eddie Murphy Is Winning!

THIS:




And there you have it.

This now? Primetime Deion Sanders is ... hanging on (Girl, it's a paycheck!)

No words. Just thoughts. And what I'm thinking is:

SO THIS IS WHAT WE'RE DOING NOW DEION SANDERS???

Yeah, this is what we're doing now.





Bless Neon Deion Sanders heart.

Watch This: Lil Mama's New Video Scrawberry

Lil Mama (or Lil Lhama if you're nasty) Has New Music Out!

End times children, end times.

This is one of those moments in which I feel so thoroughly conflicted as a celebrity shade blogger.

On the one claw, I feel like I SHOULD inform you that this is happening - and by "this" I mean Lil Mama and her continued insistence on a career.

And yet, on the other claw, I really don't want to be responsible for your trip to The Upper Room should you be foolish enough to press play and commit visual sin in your heart (since you will almost certainly succumb to the overwhelming allure of Lil Lama in 42 Dollar Bin wigs and drowned puppy-like breastlets - drowned puppies being among the saddest things on earth...)

I'm not ready to make such decisions, so I'll just lay the cyanide pills on your dresser and walk out quietly, "what your girl don't know what hurt her" style.

More Lil Mama acts of music below.





INFINITE SIGH.

Beyonce's pregnant and thangs (I'm sporting a commemorative camel toe in tribute...)

Beyonce pregnancy = Countdown to Camel!

Note to Willow Smith: This child is already up for an in-utero grammy. Be afraid. Be very afraid.


Let Countdown to Camel Calf 2012 officially begin!!!! (I’m already hawking commemorative camel paw-printed Beyonce pregnant pictures...)

I,like you dear reader(s?), sat semi-rapt in the VMA music awards last night, wondering why Queen Creole High Kicker picked this occasion to give a random fashion tribute to the Temptations.

And then it happened – the moment that destroyed the careers of Fantasia Barrino AND Mariah Carey's spawn:

Beyonce unbuttoned her David Ruffin couture blazer to reveal the distinct in-utero hump of an even-toed ungulate. That’s right: BABY CAMEL IS HAPPENING!!!!!!



*Jay Z releases a powerful nay heard 'round the world*