Foxy Brown diss album moved up! I know I'll be in line!

(HIPHOPDX)

Please add that dress to our sick and shut in list.

Hot off the presses:

With the song still unheard, AllHipHop.com has learned that Foxy Brown is expected to release her Lil' Kim diss on another holiday - New Year's Day. The song is said to be called "U Ain't Ruff Enough," and features Lower East Side, New York emcee Rekage.

I don't know that there's anything else that needs to be said on that note.

I know what you're saying - I mean, after you recomposed yourself upon learning that Santa DOES exist after all, and readying a spot in your prized cassette tape tower for the Foxy Brown single you'll be coppin' from Waxie Maxie's tomorrow (I mean, hell, let's go ALL the way back in time...). You're thinking: THN never lets up on the Foxy Hound. Well you know what? You're right.

You may be a shiftless sofa jockey who wants nothing more than a pineapple soda and paternity results from Maury, but I am a serious journalist who is documenting one of the most important stories of our time - the loss of our historic hip hop scalawags.

Where's my Pulitzer?

Ice skating negress superstars UNITE!!! (pop the top for video...)

And what were YOU doing over the holidaze?! If it wasn't pop lock and droppin' on the icy dance floor, kill yourself.



The Blacks will take ANYTHING there. I blame Abraham Lincoln directly for this.

And you thought Willow locked it down. WRONG - until she's cuttin' it up on the ice in special fitted Chuck Taylor blades, tooted up Hooker Jr. butter cutter shorts and a unicorn mistress head piece, she really ain't that impressive.

Surya Bonaly is somewhere wiping a bar top and wondering what happened to her life.


Die whore - this is the FUTURE!

Woman uses sex toy to beat cop - and other tales to ruin Christmas dinner

A Lake County judge on Thursday issued a warrant for the arrest of a woman charged with attacking a Gurnee police officer with a sex toy.

Nevermind that this woman slightly resembles a shriveled peen.

There are times, my children, when I think I'm just gonna lay down and give up this struggle. Like, it's time for me to just go on to glory. And when the words "rigid, glass, feminine pleasure device" coincide in a story with the phrases "dine and dash" and "Joe's Crab Shack," I feel like it's time to electric slide into my casket and shut the door tight.

Bildsten reached into a dresser drawer for what the officer thought was money to pay her bill, but instead pulled out the “pleasure device” and charged toward the officer with the sex toy raised over her head, Patrick said.

I'm going to overlook the obvious concerns about, ahem, personal fluids and why this cop was fool enough to let her go in the drawer in the first place (I would have busted out with the shotty and blew him right on down, but I'm hostile so, you know...) and cut right to the question that I know is really rockin' your socks: Since WHEN did Joe's Crab Shack start sending cops to your door behind skipped bills? And moreover, is Red Lobster's following suit????

This apparent crackdown on seafood filchery could devastate the black community. The moral of the story, dear hearts, is that clam bakes and dungeness crab legs cost money and Phillip's ain't playin'.

Oh, and don't turn to dildoes for personal protection. (But I could've told you that...)

Fall back blacks! Secession fever spreads...

My 2011 wish: That CERTAIN folks (looking directly at you my white brother) just let things go. You imported The Blacks, they spread like kudzu and now one's in the Oval Office. It's over. Go make a bologna sammich and stop this nonsense before there's a reenactment of how Haiti was founded. And you KNOW how that turns out...

From The Root:

The Florida Secession Convention event is just one of many such spectacles planned over the next five years as the children of the Lost Cause revive ghosts of the Civil War. In Georgia they will re-enact the state's 1861 Secession Convention. Alabama will hold a mock swearing-in of Confederate President Jefferson Davis. People in Charleston, S.C., have organized a gala ball with period dress.

Don't you wish great granddaddy Rawls had just gone fishin' on that boat instead?

Insert hostile white folk antics in 5, 4, 3, 2...

Christmas Coonin'

Just in time for the holidays!!!!

Foxy Brown to release Lil Kim dis record. In other news: Entire world somehow teleported back to '97...

Now that your children have finished crying over the picture to my immediately left, care of Crunk and Disorderly...
From TheSource:

Looks like Lil Kim now has another female rapper to shake off. Foxy Brown is reportedly dropping a diss record toward Kim Christmas Eve. Set to be released at a holiday party held at Brooklyn’s Club Jelani, “Christmas Massacre” will address her problems with the Queen Bee. This wouldn’t be the first though. Foxy released a low-key diss track toward Lil Kim earlier this year entitled “Let Em Know,” where she went at Kim’s stint on “Dancing With The Stars.” She spits, “I’d rather be at a club at the bar than to disrespect my hood, you ‘Dancing With The Stars’/Nah, I’m in the hood taking chances with the Gods.’ Not sure how I feel about Foxy’s motives on this one. 50, what do you think?

Snort.

Ok seriously? Like, seriously? I can think of about fifty-leven things Inga (aka Foxy Hound) should be doing besides issuing a dis record; most of them involve weave bond glue and an Ab Roller. But dissin' Lil Kim? You mean Lil Kim who currently looks about one nostril pinch from being a Jackson? You mean Lil Kim who is valiantly fighting a near fatal case of the "can't takes" brought on by the kaleidescope wigs and spasms of Nicki Minaj? Are we talking about THAT Lil Kim? Because I'm fairly certain that the both of these chicks became ghosts a few presidents ago.

It's like a race to the irrelevance finishline! You really should stop beefin' post menopause. I'm just saying.

PS: I just hope the track fairy leaves something under this young lady's (?) pillow real soon. The rabid Argentinean prostitute hair is a no go!

A Curious Case of the Cottles - Tameka that is... (TI is the KANG!!!!)

In case you all haven't noticed, it's been quiet 'round these parts this week. Mmmmhmmm, slower than Soldier Boy's record sales. Nobody really cuttin' the fool or actin' the monkey at all this week, though I'm sure T-Payne is somewhere cooking something coontastic up, likely involving a top hat and a Sambo figurine.

Anywho, with nothing else to present, I shall simply direct your fixed gaze to the love below. Behold Beauty! Don't take it all in at once!





Now put THAT in your Summer's Eve applicator!