Thursday, June 7, 2012

And today in "Black People Ain't Got NOBODY But Kang Jaysus..."

In the words of our immortal drawstring compatriots and ambassadors of overexpressive hip gyrating melodies: Don't talk. Just listen.

There are moments, dear fans, when despite my obvious skills at divining the motives of assorted coons, it's clear to me that commentary is simply not needed to interpret the fuckshit. In other words:

 I AIN'T EVEN GOT TO TELL YOU WHAT THE PROBLEM IS HERE.

She be like:

 

and I be like...



So help me, this baby ain't got not NE'ER type of a chance...

PS: Expect to see the Cat AND his Hat on Maury - 'cause I'm 10 THOUSAND percent sure he IS the father! *starts doing the Ricky Bobby for good measure*

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Video Inside: White child dresses as MLK for school = Chile, bye.

Fugshat ensues after Dr. Martin Luther King costume is ill-received (extended sigh)


 
"I like black people - I don't want to be mean to them. It's just a costume!" - Errant caucasian dressed as Dr. Martin Luther King.

Could someone please direct me immediately to the hem of sweet White Jaysus's garment? I need something to cling to during times like this.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Chuck Brown Is Dead and Thangz


Godfather of Go-Go Chuck Brown is Dead; Ashes to Interred at Ben's Chili Bowl (I ain't shat for that...)



chuck brown, father of go go, chuck brown dead, brown suit
Relax: Charlie Wilson is alive and sanging to women in large underwear across the Tidewater area.

No this jheri curl enthusiast, coonery ambassador and staunch opponent of lip moisturizing products (you see it!) is Chuck Brown - and he is currently performing his hit "Bustin' Loose" for jaysus - LIVE!


Tuesday, May 15, 2012

YouTube Clip Of The Day



YouTube Video Inside: Baltimore Ratchetry Goes Hollywood (It's raining sadness and chicken boxes...)

With screen icons like Ikea Whitlock and La'Nair Chase in the mix, how can you NOT see this????


Nevermind Shaquita delivering that dry ass "I'm sorry to tell you Derrick didn't make it" family notification with all the emotional passion of a CVS clerk announcing they're out of Tampax pearls (a tragedy indeed). I'd rather focus on how they shamwow'd Don Cornelious into the voice over...

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Introducing Save the Hoes - A Campaign for America's Future! (Wet-n-wavy weave shenans inside...)

As the many noses of NeNe Leakes have no doubt shown us, fuckshit flung about recklessly can only beget more fuckshit (Ashe!) and for that reason, I have opted to come out of my self-imposed Caveman Valentine/Catwoman hibernation status to address the following...

Thursday, February 23, 2012

New SWV Video ...?

Look Inside: New SWV Video aka The Side Eye Felt Around The World



You all think SO little of me - I know damn well you clicked on this in full expectation of my reading SWV down. Mmmmhmmm, you expected copious comments on Taj's clear love affair with Mrs. Winners. You expected a heaping serving of side eyes directed at the Totally Hair Barbie weave action.

And naturally, you counted on open speculation about how low the RushCard balances had to get before this "situation" became an option.

WELL YOU WERE WRONG!

Though yes, I do admit that the actors in this jammie could use some tips from The Africa Channel ... AND I admit that the fur vest had my eyebrow arched mightily ... I actually DO think this lil song is cute and they look pretty good!

That's not to say I didn't note the obvious - ie.
why is Coko singing romantically to her son
did she mean to say "wifey and some grandkids?"
was LeLee doing the grandma rock
why they didn't at least spritz these girls' joints with a lil WD40 before proppin' them up in front of the camera

And yes, fine, I'll admit that I mistook Taj and her power jowls for San Francisco 49r Delanie Walker.

But I declare, with Cynthia Bailey's Poetic InJustice braids as my witness, that's all the scattered, capped and smothered shade I have for this ditty!

See how I'm growing!

(and I will NOT ask whether LeLee is storing additional truck jewelry - you SAW IT - in her pouch, no matter how hard you press the issue...)

Friday, December 30, 2011

Faithful fuggery: Jaysus is like soup and thangs...

Worshipper: "Jesus is like Campbell soup - he's GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD" (DEAD)






Jaysus has delivered The Blacks through 400 years of slavery. That part on the side of Nelson Mandela's head. And several seasons of Lester's teeth on 227. Yet this, THIS, is how you thank him? THIS is how we're bringing in the new year???

Exasperated sigh with Charlie Brown frustration eyes.

Though I too have felt the need to hit a mean halleleujah shoulder hunch after a particularly delectable bowl of chicken soup with Spongebob-shaped noodles, I've managed to keep my jubilance contained.

Not this heavenly soldier!

The worst part is not her reference to "carrot soup" - something I think Bugs Bunny tried to cook on a cartoon at some point ...

It's not the inherent mystery presented by her jiggling marsupial pouch threatening to steal the show ...

Nor is it the ivory glory of those lips, so chicly powdered with the finest in Entemann's donuts...

No. THE WORST PART is that I'm not entirely sure what she's communicating - is she trying to say De Lawd is good? I mean, I can't make heads or tails of it. She needs to be more direct, maybe try repeating herself and adding some of that sing songy preaching The Blacks like to do. Praise dancers might also help...

Campbell's soup has been notified. A spokesperson failed to see the humor in any of this.

Oh and this guy was pissed off too, but you know he's ALWAYS feelin' some type of way...