Video Inside: White child dresses as MLK for school = Chile, bye.

Fugshat ensues after Dr. Martin Luther King costume is ill-received (extended sigh)

 "I like black people - I don't want to be mean to them. It's just a costume!" - Errant caucasian dressed as Dr. Martin Luther King.
Could someone please direct me immediately to the hem of sweet White Jaysus's garment? I need something to cling to during times like this.

New SWV Video ...?

Look Inside: New SWV Video aka The Side Eye Felt Around The World

You all think SO little of me - I know damn well you clicked on this in full expectation of my reading SWV down. Mmmmhmmm, you expected copious comments on Taj's clear love affair with Mrs. Winners. You expected a heaping serving of side eyes directed at the Totally Hair Barbie weave action.

And naturally, you counted on open speculation about how low the RushCard balances had to get before this "situation" became an option.

WELL YOU WERE WRONG!

Though yes, I do admit that the actors in this jammie could use some tips from The Africa Channel ... AND I admit that the fur vest had my eyebrow arched mightily ... I actually DO think this lil song is cute and they look pretty good!

That's not to say I didn't note the obvious - ie.
why is Coko singing romantically to her son
did she mean to say "wifey and some grandkids?"
was LeLee doing the grandma rock
why they didn't at least spritz these girls' joints with a lil WD40 before proppin' them up in front of the camera

And yes, fine, I'll admit that I mistook Taj and her power jowls for San Francisco 49r Delanie Walker.

But I declare, with Cynthia Bailey's Poetic InJustice braids as my witness, that's all the scattered, capped and smothered shade I have for this ditty!

See how I'm growing!

(and I will NOT ask whether LeLee is storing additional truck jewelry - you SAW IT - in her pouch, no matter how hard you press the issue...)

Love and Hip Hop: The Case Against Chrissy Lampkin's Linebacker Ass...

Let's start with the most obvious question -



WHERE THE HELL HAS THN BEEN???????

Two words: Rikers. Island.

Just know that seafood restaurants take their tank lobsters VERY seriously. Now, let us never speak of this again.

In my absence, I understand that the world has been changing. Jordans are back! Kobe's a hoe! Beyonce is to bear a Christ Child!

And apparently Mean Joe Green is back and working the reality show circuit under the alias "Chrissy Lampkin!" (I know it's you boo, those log-haulin' shoulders ain't foolin' NOBODAY!)

In between delousing myself and readjusting to "home food," I've been catching up on Love and Hip Hop. And I must say, were it not for the soothing baritone of Jim Jones mama Nancy Jones (accompanied by  the Love Unlimited Orchestra), I would scarcely be able to get through an episode without hurling my Arthur Treacher's fish nugget platter at the screen.

The reason: I. HATE. CHRISSY.

Chrissy Lampkin reminds me of something you set large traps for.
Chrissy Lampkin looks like something you find in the back of your freezer and aren't sure what it is.
Chrissy Lampkin looks like something you and your kids ride to soccer practice.
Chrissy Lampkin is shaped like a bag full of George Foreman grills.

In sum:

I unequivocably do NOT fug with that beerback, trapezoid-bodied, bowl weaved, Willie Hutch lookin'  strong bodied batch!  

And get that mighty mole removed whore!

Here's the case against Chrissy/Christopher:

• She's a batch without a cause: I'm all for bitchery. But this hoe is just an ass for the sake of being an ass. I declare I've watched that episode of her summarily mollywoppin' Kimbella again and again and I'm gonna state this plainly: I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY KIMBELLA WAS WRONG. Consider this - had Kimbella NOT said anything, it would've came out later and that werewolf lookin' whore would've been howling over how Kimbella "Sat up in your party eatin' your chitlins and shit knowing she was playing tilt-a-whirl on your man's thang!" So homie went ahead and said something. And what happened? She got run over by Truck Turner. Emily claimed she was over Fab, so from where I stand, this was the perfect time for Kimbella to casually mention playing tonsil golf with her baby's father. Just slip that on in between munches of rib and keep in movin' ok?? What the problem is?

Whatever your opinion of the appropriateness of the timing, one can't deny: The conflict was not Chrissy's. I know that as a bonafide WWE champion, batch likes to keep her craft fresh. But there's no reason to charge helpless women (Ok, Kimbella's gender remains under review, but work with me here).

• Batch is shaped like a stackable washer dryer: No, that's not really any type of logical reason for my undying hatred of Chrissy Lampkin, but it makes sense to me. I am SICK SICK SICK of seeing that  Tasmanian Devil-shaped trapezoid of a "woman" in close ups, particularly when s/he's wrapped in those Starburst colored bandage dresses she keeps diggin' out of her "Get It Girl 2002" trunk. While I fully understand it must be difficult to find garments to accommodate the sundry angles and sharp turns of her gridiron body, my corneas deserve so much more!

• Batch is shady: Chrissy got two faces and both of them look like Jim Jones. One minute she's readin' Kimbella. The next she's side eyein' Emily. And she stays with an overall energy of disapproval. Wanna know what I disapprove of? THAT PORTABELLO MUSHROOM CAP PERCHED ABOVE HER LIP. There is absolutely no way I wouldn't come for that thang (is it a parasitic twin? a facial piercing gone wrong?? The Northern Star??) every muthaeffin' time that tank of a "woman" said something sideways to me. *with tissue in hand* "Chrissy you have something on your face, let me get that for you" game proper!

And the final reason why I hate the hell out of Chrissy Lampkin's plow pullin' ass:

• Batch don't work anywhere, but stay judgin'!: Emily is a fake stylist. Olivia is a fake musician and possibly some type of wizard judging from the hook on her nose. Hell, even Kimbella's pumpkin-faced ass is clearly campaigning for empress of the lollipop kids (with her racially ambiguous, Tang-colored ass...). But to this DAY I have zero concept of what in all high holy fugs Chrissy Lampkin does for a living besides being a loudmouth and possibly a bodyguard. Yet she's callin' Kimbella a hoe. Let's see - she busts it open for money right? Andddd what does Chrissy do? Yep - THE SAME THING. At least Kimbella has a baby. Chrissy Lampkin's defensive linebacker lookin' ass ain't got nuthin' but a wagon hitched to Pigpen- who ain't even givin' her so much as a ring pop this decade, BTW.

Oop. Let me know how that works out for you boo!

Now let's be clear: I DO believe Kimbella is in fact stupid. If for no reason other than she should've knocked that wide-bodied SUV lookin' batch in the head with a sock full of batteries and cha cha slid into the sunset about three episodes back. Annnd I tend to believe Emily is also stupid, if only for her clear vulnerability to  the suggestive powers of Fabolous' slanty ass teeth (Oh shut up, you too were wonderin' why she was checkin' on his last millenium ass...).

But this Chrissy broad? I just can't take her ass. No literally - her ass is horrible. I can't take it.

And there you have it!

Soul 4 Real to Perform at Atlanta Prom; Also scheduled: Several unplanned, over 40 pregnancies...

Were you too busy being high/knocked up/imprisoned/one of Rick James' bottom-rung hoes to attend your prom? I know your pain - I was at Bodrow's Mac and Stack Shack (a combo salon and barbecued ribbery...)getting my stack curls together and damned if I didn't miss my ride to "Midnight Love: Let Me Ride That Donkey C/O 88!"

Oh the pain I have lived with!

Well rejoice dear readers - a new event will fill the void:

Michael Jackson had herpes????

Trial of Michael Jackson doctor Conrad Murray Begins (Oh and herpes accusations are in the mix...)

Michael Jackson's personal pubic hair stylist took the stand Wednesday (a side part for all seasons...) - TMZ


In case you haven't been keeping up - and really, what could POSSIBLY take precedence over waiting with baited breath to capture a glimpse of Jermaine Jackson in all his leathern-faced glory - the trial of Dr. Conrad Murray has begun.

This is the former doctor of Michael Jackson who killed him dead suffered some difficulty saving the Great White One resulting in him currently being deader than a mofo. TMZ is on the case, and if you thought some fuckery would result from this trial you were absolutely correct.

The defense has already begun insinuating The Great White Hope killed himself, Jermaine is already shilling books dressed as a goth nutcracker, our friend above is sitting on the stand lookin' like an extra from Harlem Nights and oh yes, Jermaine's hair is looking like this:

 


Oh - and it's being implied that Michael Jackson either had herpes or some type of addiction to a potentially fatal creme of cocaine. Or possibly both.

From TMZ:

Williams said after he learned of Michael's death, Murray came up to him and said there was "some cream Michael wouldn't want the world to know about." Murray asked him to drive him to the home so he could retrieve the "cream."

Excuse me while I take this to Kang Jaysus...

Lesbian charged after beating partner with strap on penis/dildo

Police: Lesbian couple argued before dildo domestic violence (doves crying)

When I tell you nights like this I wish raindrops would fall...


First of all, Georgia folks, you can relax: This is some bonafide Florida Fuggery, so you're off the hook this time. Second of all, Popeye's I need you to screen your employees better! If this sister is laying her Ike Turner smack down with the silicon sausage, I have some SERIOUS questions about what she might be doing with the extra crispy drums.

You'd better stop and think about it!

CNN: Black Women Tired of Having Hair Touched

Lawd jaysus, jaysus lawd.

While I've been over here brainstorming on gifts appropriate for a woman's 74th baby (I got you Lauryn, trust) C(oon)N(ews)N(etwork) has sneaked out another riveting examination of the lifestyles of Kunta's cousins!

This time it's provocatively titled "Can I touch it?" and it has absolutely nothing to do with Jermaine Jackson or his Braille-inspired cheeks.

Rather it's an examination of why certain people insist on touching black women's natural hair.

It opens with the recounting of a "close call" (Heather reaches out to touch afro puff, Shawnte pulls out numchuks, police intervene) and goes on to talk about how many black women have thrown their boxes of Optimum to the wind and are instead letting their natural whodunits out to play:

Rather than use chemical straighteners known as relaxers (also sometimes called "creamy crack" for both the damage it can do to black hair as well as the inability of some women to live without it) YOU TRIED THAT - Love, THN some women wear their hair in its natural state.
Natural hair can be described as curly, kinky, wavy, or -- the sometimes dreaded and considered by some to be an offensive word -- nappy. FURTHER CHEST CLUTCH - Love, THN

The story goes on to discuss how the act of trying to touch a black woman's hair is inherently racist.

As usual, the Children of the Sun are clearly confused. There's no racism here - rather, this is our white brethren and sistren performing a standard weave check. Sure it's nappy - but is it yourn? Given E Badu's lengthy record of manipulating beard trimmings, pubes and dryer lint into mountains of faux 'fro, can you really blame The Whites for being confused about whether your naps are your own? Kelly wasn't trying to embarrass you Bookika - she was just keepin' things authentic!

Thank you Whites!

As a card carrying owner of Team Busted Combs, I haven't ever had the pleasure of being petted. If I were, however, I like to think I wouldn't consider it so much a moment of cultural dissonance as a fiscal opportunity.

Because you will NAUGHT lovingly caress my naps for free!

Anyways, I'd like to take a moment to thank CNN for it's continued efforts at telling the story of the Children of the Sun. Whether it's informing us that natural hair has indeed come into style (Who knew?!) or confirming that black women remain the most unattractive option for marriage (Phew, I was worried our status might be threatened given the Mexican influx...) CNN remains on top of negro news. Thanks for lettin' us know CNN!

PS: Click the video and have your soul rocked by the Dark and Lovely glory of that Shalamar-era whoop-de-swoop in Honey Glazed Gold - MY SOULLLLLLL!!!!

Coon Tunes: 300 lb. Man vs. Beyonce Run The World Choreography (chile stop playing and come watch this video!)

300 lbs + Beyonce Run The World video choreography = Damn life.

This is the type of shat that happens when you don't have a prayin' grandmother.

I blame Beyonce for every last bit of this.

Oh, and malfunctioning Gold N Hot flat irons - because that withered bob has my uterus in FULL TILT.

I was just in the midst of being completely unproductive when The Twitter informed me that a ratchet queen was somewhere in Birmingham shaking and jiggling it for jaysus to Beyonce's Run The World.

Against my better judgment, I clicked and was instantly taken to the bridge by the sensuous body rolls of the one I will henceforth refer to as Creole Jumbo.

After I broke free from the instant hypnosis triggered by his undulating manbreasts (Rick Ross, you have been dethroned boo. You might as well put a tube top on and pay it.) I was able to really get into what was happening, in particular, the unsolved mystery of those giblets jangling in Ms. Jumbo's ladypurse region.

We won't get into why this was filmed at Guantanamo. I haven't the time nor the investigative resources.

Body rolls at 2:53. Frantic riverdance stomping at 3:09. Death of 5,000 in 57.0 magnitude earth quake anticipated in 10 minutes.

This can't be life.

Police: Man Cuts Off Woman's Hair At Bus Stop (Related: Foxy Brown Wanted...)

Police: Thief chopped off, stole woman's waist-long ponytail at bus stop

Does anybody know where the Braxton sisters were this weekend? I'm just sayin...

I was just coming to terms with Saturday's rapture fail (We're not going to talk about how I ended up $850 in the hole behind an all-white-erythang couture homegoing wardrobe - Jaysus I am hate you so much right now...) and accepting that, as confirmed by Phaedra Parks' continued presence on Earth, the rapture did NOT happen after all, when I received this dispatch.

End times may have kicked off after all! In the immortal words of Aunt Esther, eeeyeahhhh glory!

From AP:

SAO PAULO — Brazilian police say a thief cut off and stole a woman’s long hair while she waited at a bus stop.
Police say the hair was virgin, meaning it had not been chemically treated, and will probably be sold for the production of wigs.

They creeping through your windows, snatching your ponytails up!

I'm shocked that Foxy Brown hadn't thought of this years ago, quite frankly.

Inspector Jose Carlos Bezerra da Silva said Friday to Globo TV’s G1 website that the woman was waiting for a bus in the central city of Goiania when the man used a knife-like weapon to cut the hair, which reached past her waist. She said she thought the man was going to steal her purse so she turned her back to him.

Nevermind the herpes and rampant poverty that come as part of your "So you wanna live in Brazil" gift basket, you now have to worry about getting an involuntary pixie cut while waiting for the A29???

Good. Day.

PS: How swift does a ninja have to be to slice the pony off and keep steppin'?!? GUTTA. I bet Mary J. Blige's agents were involved.

This is EXACTLY why I advocate Remy's breakaway banjee ponytail line - specially designed for the ratchet socialite's needs. Laugh now dear reader - but sources tell me McDonald's has revived its sweet chili nugget dipping sauce and you KNOW how tightly they monitor that shat. By next Friday, batches are gonna be scrapping in drivethru's across the nation behind that elusive second packet! (Don't act like you haven't raised your voice behind the nugget sweetness...)

I suggest you have your vaseline and stunt ponytail TOGETHA - or end up like Lupe rockin' the Webster 'fro!

Today in White Coonery: Romanian Dancing Politician Edmond Talmacean Teachs YOU How to Dougie!

So you think you can dance???? Watch the stellar example of white coonery that is Romanian politician Edmond Talmacean breaking it down JB style, and prepare to have your soul float off into the sunset. He conjured up Michael Jackson, Chubbie Checker and that lil weird shoulder hunchin’ character on Charlie Brown (you know, the one who’s always in the background giving you fits) to bring you the reason for the season.

You’d better go on and get you some free babushka!

But you know The Whites (including Fox anchor Shep Smith and Studio B)are trying to supress his dance fever -

From Fox Boston:

Edmond Talmacean, was on a TV show when he busted out this Michael Jackson inspired dance. Not everyone enjoyed his performance though. The nation’s Tourism and Regional Development Minister, says she thinks Talmacean should avoid any encore performances. The video has been great for Talmacean’s political blog, which has soared in viewership.

Why can’t they let that man be great??? He’s giving you everything you ever needed - national policy AND the Cupid Shuffle! A plan to balance the budget - AND a shoulder lean! Haters stay hatin’ when they need to be note takin' - Barrack and Michelle Obama had both better prepare to crank that soulja boy hellafied if they have ANY chance of remaining in the White House for a second presidential term, that’s for damn sure!

Meanwhile, honorable mention to Shep Smith for his dramatic pause, eyelash flutter -his tight jaw and shady queen antics give me extended fever every time! The day me, him and Moamar Gadaffi’s shady glance flingin’ ass stilleto pump in the club is the day many MANY scores will be settled, OK??? But until that great getting up morning, I’m just gonna keep watching this video and working on my moonwalk-backwards-slickety-scooch with the touch of Kid-n-Play that he does about 20 seconds in.

PS: You know I couldn’t end this post without outpointing that this video is in direct competition with my prior archival footage of James Brown and his fuppa camel walkin’ to glory:



His hips. That man cleavage. I ain’t built for this life.


Who do you think broke it down better???

Ho Burger is a hit in Texas. In other news: "Life" canceled, "Hope" returned to sender

Personally I prefer "Ho Burger" but I understand Amber Rose has copyrighted that name, and given her considerable status as a relentless golddigger and opportunist businesswoman, she would be highly likely to sue.

Is Mya at least making a little money off this? Lil Wayne? Any of the nation's pre-eminent whores?

'Fat Ho Burgers' Opens in Texas: MyFoxHOUSTON.com

From Fox Houston:

WACO, Texas - You can get hot, juicy burgers with crispy tots or fries at a new restaurant in Waco, Texas. But it’s not the food that’s getting the attention at Fat Ho Burgers. That’s right. The restaurant is named after a fat (as in hefty) ho (not the garden tool). .

I mean, really? Where is my vial full of The Blood. I feel an annointing coming on.

"It’s not calling people a ho. It’s just like they say, 'Oooh that ho is big,' or, 'That ho is tight!’” said Lakita Evans, the restaurant’s owner.

The 23-year-old worked her way through college to open her burger joint and said the name is mostly a bit of humor in an otherwise serious world.

Ok, Ok, bet. I mean, Lakita has a point. And more importantly, Lakita has not allowed her outrageously ratchet name circumstance to limit her job opportunities to pole dancing. To that I say, ashe.

Oh wait. She said this too:

"Look what’s going on in Japan. It’s like clear this world is not gonna get any better. Why cry and be depressed? The economy is bad. Somebody gotta keep a sense of humor around here,” Evans said. For now, that means grilled favorites including the Sloppy Ho Brisket or the Supa Dupa Fly Ho with Chz for a lunch crowd that’s spilling out of the front door.

And that's what we're working with nowadays.

I hate black people so much right now. Obama, I thought you were gonna fix this???

PS: Do they have carmelized onions? Because if they do, well then that might change things...

Ginuwine compares Aaliyah to Beyonce (A THN "Ninja Please" moment)

Awww damn, Ginuwine is flaring up again. I keep telling you, no matter how long it's gone, and no matter how smooth the skin looks, you got to keep taking the pills and using the cream-gel, or else your Ginuwine is gonna come back.

You would think they would have a cure for this by now.

He tells AOL's Boombox

"Aaliyah was in a class by herself," Ginuwine tells The BoomBox. "If you're talking triple threat of a writer, singer and actress, that would probably be Beyoncé. If Aaliyah were still here, she and Beyoncé would be neck and neck."

Oh Elgin. Why you still bringing up old shit?


Aaliyah is dead.
Lauryn Hill has gone bananas.
Sighted women are having sex with Gucci Mane.
And Rihanna is strangely a star for something that doesn’t involve a pole or the words “clap clap.”

Life sometimes can be confusing. You may find yourself frightened in a world that seems strange and disorienting, much like Chris Brown’s new blond hair. But we got to just move on with our lives boo!

And with that in mind, I urge you to duck back down into your mole hole Elgin – because it has NOT gone unnoticed that you are still trying to séance your career back to life (you didn’t think this whole post was about Aaliyah? Girl bye, she’s in another dimension drinking Lokos and plucking her nose hairs right now – wholly unbothered).

No, this post is actually about the sudden Ginuwine outbreak. Don’t get THN wrong – back in the “In Those Jeans” days, Elgin was ridin’ high. That video was DOOOOOPE. But lest we forget from whence my shade floweth, let me just remind you of THIS little incident the other month:



Many doves cried over that one.

Until Mr. ‘wine decides to make reasonable music befitting a man of his advanced age, I will continue to remind him of his Code Lavendar irrelevance status and warn him not to leave his home again. You are a ghost. And ghosts have to stay in Phantasmagora.

As you were.

Friday Realness: Is it shade if....

<<< (Because that face says IT ALL)

The scenario:
You and your boo are supposed to be getting together at a night spot around 10ish.

A minor weather Armageddon breaks out. Around the same time you are caught in your couch’s evil embrace (why can’t I quit you!!!) and you decide you’re gonna keep it in the crib, painting your nails, eating gumbo and singing Negro spirituals.

Boo is already out and about – and you encourage boo to come on by but not to rush, that is, it’s ok to keep having a bit of fun.

This is at 9 p.m.

The rub:
Boo calls at *drumroll* 11:30 p.m. talm ‘bout “I’m around the corner.”

You have to be up at 6:45 a.m.

Where shit gets REAL: Boo arrives and you quietly note that boo's mouth smells like SKRATE Alize.

Is it SHADE???? (I mean, I was TRIED by this all but you tell me your thoughts...I'll wait ... then I'll dispatch mercenaries...)

Bobby Brown speaks on daughter's singing ability - A Nigga Please Moment

What's really tea on his face in this picture? Slap an off kilter wig on there and I swear he looks like Nana.


I digress. The King of Pop (spit take) and his stroke lips are back at it, prophesizing greatness for his most well-known spawn, Bobbi Kristina. That poor child never had a chance.

From From Contactmusic

In an appearance on U.S. TV show The View on Monday (07Mar11), Brown said, "She sings like a bird. She sings a little better than Whitney and she has my legs so (she can dance)..."
And the My Prerogative singer wants to team up with his daughter on record: "I'm gonna do duets with all of my kids; they all sing and dance, so I'm just waiting for the right time to strike, you know, the Brown clan."

Yes. I'll be waiting on that.

I hate you so much right now: Waka Flaka Flame appears naked in PETA campaign

WARNING: Not safe for life.



From BallerStatus.com
GET ME MY SMELLING SALTS RIGHT NOW - I can see it's gonna be a looooong year.


To quote our prolific Lady of One Million Facial Ticks, Nicki Minaj, I doth say: Ew.
I mean, bless his heart, but Waka Flocka isn't exactly a Ford Model. And I say that to say that his situation from the neck up was already tenuous at best. Between the hair and the lips and the brow and the whole being as tall as a cell phone tower thing, he has a LOT going on.

But ninjas just HAD to throw in the Spongebob Squarepants hips. Nevermind that I'm simultaneously cramming to understand how that little corner of bling is protecting my eyes from a far more aggregious assault - yet singing "Can you feel it, brand new day!" inside that they are indeed protecting my eyes from said assault.

Meanwhile, am I the only one who feels like this could be an LA Fitness ad? Waka got a body like a tube of toothpaste. How you just not have ANY muscles - even the ones required to walk? Put a coat on!




Think about how many groupies came home, dropped their draws and waited patiently in the bed for THIS to round the corner.

DO NOT WANT.

I suppose I could support this young negro scribe for taking a stance against animal abuse – but I make a point not to get mixed up in too much ball queen drama, so instead I’ll just sit in the corner quietly sipping my Shirley Temple and wait for Michael Vick to bust through the door and CAT this ninja for the open shade.

Ink not Mink eh? Expect Gucci to pass on the sentiment AND the campaign.

And the world breaths a collective sigh of relief.

The Hostile Negress Defines: Heirloom Weave (I'm going there. Today.)

HEIRLOOM WEAVE (Also: Hairloom Weave): An attachment of fake, wanna be Beyonce weave hair, typically matted, gnarled, dingy, involuntarily loc’ing or otherwise mangled, which has seen better days or possibly better centuries, yet continues to be the centerpiece of a female’s hair wardrobe; commonly seen among “ratchet” females and typically attached with bond glue. So-called because, like a treasured locket, a family Bible or Grammy’s quilt, this wet and wavy weave has been vacuum sealed and handed down through several generations of ratchet women until it landed on the present dome. Occasionally spotted on Antiques Scalawag Roadshow.

Example of its use:

Takwisha: Well you know, I mean, Foxy Boog’s hair isn’t really that bad if you look at it really fast, during sunset.

Aisha: Girl stop your lies! I believe in antiquing and I am SO glad her Nana stored that wet and wavy weave in her hope chest for all those years, but it’s time to let the Josephine Baker-era yaki go far, far away!

This was brought to you by the letter H. For Hostile. But you already knew that.

*humming and rocking* I said I wasn't gonna tellllll noobodddddddyyyyy!!!

Ja Rule recording new album, filming new reality show

I'm emphasizing "new" because I want you all to realize that I am indeed, NOT speaking to you from a vortex in the year 1999. With that said, I encourage you to slip into a Gordon's fisherman outfit, because this shat is about to get chest-deep.

So um er, before Ja Rule goes off to jaily jail, he has a few things he has to wrap up - one might assume settling affairs concerning his position with Cinnabon and ensuring all his small man clothing is in storage. Well one would be wrong.

Ja Rule is makin' moves son!

From AllHipHop:

Rapper Ja Rule is working on a new reality show, as he prepares to surrender to police in March, to start a 2 1/2 year prison sentence.
Ja, who is currently in Miami putting the finishing touches on his album Renaissance Project, is also busy filming the untitled reality series.

To quote Scooby Doo, bow rorrowoworrowww? New reality show? Hell, NEW ALBUM? Alright, which one of you wanted some more Ja-rhymes? Raise your hand up, it's ok. We won't judge you. But we will have to thrash you.

"My reality show, I like it because it's showing a strong black family going through a tough time," Ja Rule said. "And how we band together as a family and how my wife and kids, my moms and her moms, bond together during this tough time when I have to go in."
Although the series will deal with Ja Rule's upcoming bid, the rapper said the main focus of the show was about "black love." "It's really a good show and it shows black love in a good way," Ja Rule said.

*swan dives into casket*

And THAT is how you start your Wednesday!

And still I gag: This week's Foxy Brown moment

This:

According to TMZ, the female emcee was scheduled to perform on Wednesday (February 16th) at a Fashion Week event for designer Indashio that didn't go over so well with the party planners. The event was a fashion show after-party at New York City’s Red Bull Space. Foxy showed up minutes before the event closed, at 1:20 AM the next day (February 17th) completely intoxicated.

Foxy then locked herself in one of the restrooms and refused to come out. She was physically removed by a security guard and escorted off the premises.

I don't EVEN have time to be creative with this. I'm gonna start slapping these posts about The Truly Outrageous World of Inga Marchand up with about as much care and consideration as she shows toward her eyeliner.

Anyway, the crowning jewel of the evening, according to MissJia, was this:


Get. Your. Glamour. Shots. AWWWWWWNNNN!

This is all pretty rote - predictable and mechanical, you know, sorta like Rihanna's stage performances always being a chop. But what IS interesting is the notion of Foxy having a paying job and just who was ready to throw some coins on the table for a "performance" almost certain to start with Henny and end before a magistrate?

Well, wondering just what this Indashio was and whether s/he was on the same yayo as The Fox, I did a little sniffing around. I discovered a web site and pix that were quite ovah.

But like all coonery, the shazzam finally set in in the form of an "About Indashio" page that set me wayyyy back in my effort to stop coonin' and get my day started.

Celebrities that adore INDASHIO include Amber Rose, Aubrey O'day, Amerie, Amanda Lepore, Christina Milian, Eve, Kat De Luna, Kelis, Kim Kardashian, Lindsey Wixson, Lil'Kim, Nicky Hilton, Patricia Field, Sessilee Lopez, Selita Ebanks, Shontelle, Theodora Richards, Tyra Banks, Vanessa Carlton, Vivica Fox to name a few.

*screeeeeech*

Come get your stuff and don't call me. No mo.