Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Study: Black Women Have High Testosterone, Are Dudes (Oh, and they're ugly, but you knew that!)

Love Black Women? They're All High Testosterone-havin' Dudes (Sorry Boo!)

I knew this broad was going to blow our cover

Well it finally went and happened.

The jig is up black "women" – they’re on to us. You heard me right - they've figured out we're dudes! If you love black women, sorry.

Yes, it’s true. Black women are really just black men who got bored one day and wanted to expand the NBA – I tried to speak out against the scheme, but they just tossed me in a corner with some Wet-n-Wild Raspberry Oooh La La lipstick and said “Get the paintin’!”

Go ahead and take those socks out of your shirts, snatch those Tina Turner reject wigs off and drop your voice back down to The Temptations register. Take off the skirts – they’re not covering up that Refrigerator Perry figure anyhow.

Nicki Minaj, put those pads back in the couch boo.

It’s over. The dream has died. In a Psychology Today study, "Why are African American Women Less Physically Attractive Than Other Women?", Dr. Satoshi Kanazawa has snatched our hip pads clean out:

Kanazawa (who is also the author of a book called Why Beautiful People Have More Daughters) speculates, "The only thing I can think of that might potentially explain the lower average level of physical attractiveness among black women is testosterone. Africans on average have higher levels of testosterone than other races."

I’m so glad I can finally untape my balls! Praise him!

I’m really surprised nobody got hip to our little scheme years ago – I mean, did people REALLY think those black women models Fashion Fair trots out were female?? (I mean really, how much high testosterone can you have and still be considered female..) How many times did YOU mistake one of their ads for a picture of Burt Reynolds?? *raises hand*

And I REALLY thought Omorosa and her steel jaw (I bet she can crack thee HAYLE out of some snow crab legs...) was gonna spill the beans.

Now the world knows - all of the famous black women you've known and loved are really dudes. Oprah? That's just Otis. Beyonce? Girl that's Brandon. And Wendy Williams? Well even I couldn't believe that one sneaked below the radar.

Even important black women in history were dudes: Harriet Tubman? That was Harry from the grocery store!

PS: Florida was Florence...but you kind of figured that one on your own...

So nooooooow back to reality land: You know what’s more tired than this study? The fact that every time a study comes out, black women get all up in arms about it.

For the record, according to assorted studies over the years, black women:

- Are second only to Jabba the Hut in their massive obesity
- Pass most of the day in tree stands firing high powered crossbows at interracial couples
- Have 4,239 children – a year. (All with names ending in “-tae”)
- And are dying from breast cancer/heart attacks/diabetes/scrotal cancer/cancer of the entire body

Oh and those batches smell like Lysol and crawfish boil too! Annnnnnd they shop at Ross - tacky batches!

Here’s an idea: How about we just stop giving a rat’s ass about dumb ass studies advancing dumb ass theories done by dumb ass people who pay waaaaay too much attention to black women to be anything but completely, purely and unequivocably OBSESSED with them, k?

Stop giving these people the attention they crave and Dr. Kanazawa and all others of his ilk will return to their Ted Kazinsky style huts and watch child porn the way they do any other Tuesday.

And that’s the roundabout way of saying that me and my high testosterone are OVER IT.


  1. Can you belive they made Tamron Hall run this stupid story live on MSNBC? I just wrote them the following:

    As a devoted MSNBC watcher, I have to say that was a VERY bad story to run, the bogus report about black women & beauty.

    How could you dare put that on the news?? This is EXTREMELY UPSETTING!

    There Tamron Hall is one of the most beautiful women ever, in every way, and you give her this story to read?

    This is so indescribably upsetting.

    Please apologize to her, and apologize to her viewers. This one thing, that you stuck into her show, is the single most offensive thing I've ever heard on any 'news' show.

    She must be extremely upset. Could you please approach her at the next commercial break and apologize?


    This is so upsetting, so un-newsworthy, you guys really blew it here, no this won't go quietly away!!

  2. MSNBC though? Woooooooooow. Hell, CNN is ready to put Chris Rock on the air (check the archives, I did NOT make that up), so I'm not all that shocked...

  3. Now I know why I find black women so attractive.

  4. This study has caused me to understand something about myself I never before realized. I must be Gay! I've dated and loved black women exclusively for the last 26 years! Thanks Psychology Today for making sense of it for me!

  5. OMG!!! You could not have said it any better. Thank you for putting it out! I have been so over it before it even started. If not pure sadistic obsession, I don't what it is.

  6. i can't believe this made the mainstream news and studies have been done that have said bw/bm do NOT have higher testosterone, so i don't even believe that.


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  8. Gimme a sista I can't resist her!

  9. Um why do black women take offense to everything?

    1. they have high testosterone- aggressive.

  10. When you said beyonces a man that was a epic fail, and oprah is an old women along with Wendy and that AD of that women, old wemon always look like there on testosterone look at your nana. what about you black women, such as lauren london, Rihana, gabreil union, nia long?.........SO.......FUCK...... YOU!!!

    1. woooops. sorry my bad did'nt read the rest of the article, sorry about my language.

  11. Well black men have more testosterone then white men too, the argument racists use to claim black men are more aggressive then white men. There are racial differences in hormone levels, and also differences responses to those hormones. Black women maybe have higher levels of other hormones too, and process them different to white women. Black women do not go bald any quicker then white women, and tend to have thicker hair, black women also have more bottom. Of course black women will share more features in common with black men then with women of other races, but oriental women share more features in common with oriental men then women of other races.

    The races have different features that cannot be compared along the lines of gender.

    Just for the record, im a white woman. I wonder if so many black men run to white women because they seem easy game? Also black women are less likley to take crap? When i hear black men putting black women down more then any white man would dare first thing that goes through my head is the guy wants someone he can dominate.

  12. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/science-news/8521854/London-School-of-Economics-psychologist-Black-women-are-less-attractive-than-whites-and-asians.html

    Heres the ugly face of the man who came up with the idea.

  13. Darker skinned people tend to have more testosterone because the darker you are the less vitamin D you can absorb through your skin. Most darker people have vitamin D deficiency. Vitamin D helps regulate your hormones along with many other important functions. Too much testosterone in women can create weight gain around the waist, susceptibility to cancer, aggression, depression, and brain degenerative diseases. Darker people can have hormone irregularities due to vitamin D irregualrities. It's not racism it's science.

    1. My God the amount of stupidity on the internet blows me away. High vitamin D is associated to high testosterone. Therefore the reverse would be true - fair skinned people would have higher test levels because of higher D levels.
      Not only that, but studies are not conclusive that high D levels cause high test levels. Moron.
      Idiot, if you don't know what the fuck you're talking about then shut the fuck up. I swear people are getting dumber and dumber.

  14. Question: Is it true that black women have higher testosterone than white woman or not? All your yelling and screaming and calling names does not answer the question.

    It is a simple matter to study it. Measure testosterone levels in black women and compare those levels to white women. Stop the name calling. Try and answer the question.

  15. I'm white male & I feel more attracted to black women & vice versa. I don't know why, it's not a big deal. Maybe the study s right, but most people look for evidence of what they already believe.

    Along time ago, people used to think being fat, pasty & having long fingernails was really attractive, because it meant you important enough not to have to do hard work & be outdoors. That didn't exactly last. I wouldn't get offended by it or assume that guys don't like you because your black. What you believe can be a self fulfilling prophecy, so if you know you are attractive...you know that a good guy that you have chemistry with will find the same.

  16. Where is she getting her information from? Does anyone have a link to any credible study or did she just pull it out of her ass?


  18. actualy black women are more attractive https://chancellorfiles.wordpress.com/2006/02/24/black-women-and-sexual-genetics/#comment-4128 cause both test and estrogen are higher in black women than among other races