Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Video: Watch Patti LaBelle Stir It Up with Chaka Khan, Whitney Houston, Maya Angelou, Whitney Houston and friends (Spoiler: No wigs were tilted...)

Who knew that the pre-eminent divas of negress womanhood all gathered at Patti LaBelle’s chamber of sequins for marmalade, heel kicking and other random voulez-vous shenanigans? And more importantly:

Where the fug were the invites for me and Ciara?

We invested in copious Beyonce weave and had our Adam’s apples shaved down in advance and we get nada – no ribs, no Glory green goodness? Patti Labelle if only you knew: Brother CiCi ain’t happy. I would invest in a shield if I were you – her femurs are long and her back is country strong!

Ciara, black woman, singer
Take note batch!

Fortunately, the entire soiree was memorialized on YouTube for us nonfactors to bask in the glory of their golden weaved excellence digitally – Beyonce, Diana Ross, Mariah Carey, Aretha Franklin, Chaka Khan, Rihanna, Janet Jackson, Whitney Houston (Nippy if you’re nasty- THN) all are there spilling tea, swinging ponytails and taking names.

Phenomenal woman ( ?) Maya Angelou even spits a verse in Nipsy Russel register – GLORY!

Sadly, The Braxtons were left out on the porch holding Halloween pails and wondering how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie pop – you know, the norm for their Saturday evening. (If only they would repent of their wet and wavy weave sins they too could be welcomed into the kabal…)

Hit play, clutch the hem of His garment and prepare to let the shade blow your hair back!

(Spoiler: Favorite quotes would be a tie between “You look like you ate Eve AND Adam’s apples” and “Hakuna Matada bitch!”)

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