Sunday, November 21, 2010

Free Nino!!!!

We're not going to talk about why you're not looking at a Florida Classic blog right now. Because it would just be impolite for you to press me out about that, and I just KNOW my faithful readers (muffled laugh) wouldn't want to make me lose my composure :)

Moving on. Today in coonery: Wesley Snipes is jail bound.

For those of us unfamiliar (and what's the rent like under that rock?) the Vampire in Brooklyn himself has been sentenced to three years in prison after an ongoing battle over tax evasion or some such.

Now, far be it from the Hostile Negress to kee kee as Captain Darkness prepares to enter the tossed salad camp, even if he DID say he'd rather date himself in drag than than waste his delicate good looks on the coonettes of the world. After all, midnight marauders need love too and deep down, the blackettes know they're having no parts of Mr. Snipes. Why be upset if the feeling is mutual? White women for everybody! I digress. While I won't mock the man who regularly showed up for breathless attorney meetings at my old Atlanta office, I WILL take a moment to offer a severe, third degree squinch eye to the myriad of black male celebs who recently decided on jail as the next logical career step.

Wayne, T.I. I'm looking directly at you. Gucci, I would be looking at you, but I don't have the stomach for that this evening.

Newsflash: Nobody needs you to prove your street cred. We all know you sleep on stacks of money and aren't out on the cold streets of anywhere hustling. You've got people for that!

So why don't you have people around to take the fall for your criminal "misunderstandings"? I definitely have someone to hold my cocaina AND my pills, no shade. I can't be gettin' yanked up - I have albums to drop!

The greater questions:

a) Is there an age when this gets old? Because I'm thinking Snipes has possibly passed that age. And Wayne too, no shade (I know 30s when I see 30s...)


b) Tax evasion? Is that really what's taking Nino Brown down? The old man with the shaky gun was much more entertaining. Can we at least get a shoot out? Ok, ok, I'll settle for Christopher Williams singing "Don't wake me, I'm dreaminnnn!"

For his sake, I hope Snipes recalls a little bit of that jiu jitsu from his Blockbuster hits. Donning one of T.I.'s Cosby sweaters and some erudite personality glasses is advised; he's also still got time to rescue a would-be jumper!

"Nino Brown, your presence is required in hell" game proper!!!!

(*lest we forget, Lil Wayne actually has used the Nino Brown moniker for a series of direct to street films. Black progress in action people!)

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