Kidney transplant sisters released from Mississippi jail might be headed back behind Newports, pork rinds (Eff. Life.)

Sooooo, remember those ladies who were like, in jail for 10 million years or something because they stole a pair of draws but it was really because they were black and then they got out and the slaves all sang and the massa bought out a big pineapple upside down cake? This happened like, last month. Well whatevs, them batches is going back to jail!

From CBS:

There's a "complication" in the case of Mississippi ex-convicts sisters Jamie and Gladys Scott, who won their release from life prison terms on the grounds that one sister would give the other a kidney.

What is it? What could it be? Was there a loophole in the legal work? Is some racist judge accusing them of stealing Slim Jims now?

Nah boo. It comes down to Newports.

Jamie Scott said Wednesday that a doctor said she has to lose 100 pounds to receive the transplant. She said would-be donor Gladys must lose 60 pounds and stop smoking.
Barbour hasn't said whether he'll send the sisters back to prison if the transplant doesn't happen.

*In Martin Lawrence voice* Hole up. Hole up. Didn't I march for your ass with the signs and ERYTHANG? So now you basically telling me you have to curb the honeybaked ham sammiches and put the brakes on the Virginia Slims or your asses is going back to the jaily jail? AFter I wore down my loafers???

Looks at sisters:


Looks at honeybaked ham sammich:




They're going to jail



(Note: You KNOW I'm gonna use that punchbowl jawn whenever possible. I. Love. That. Shat.)

Today in irrelevance: Nelly and Kelly video remake is officially happening! (because if you're like me, you couldn't wait any longer)

I'm thinking there's gonna be some consequences and repurcussions when YMCA figures out what was goin' down in the senior pool.

From Necole Bitchie

Kelly and Nelly recently turned up the heat just a bit on the set of their new video for “Gone”, the sequel to “Dilemma”. According to Nelly, the video is an extension of the first video that was shot back in 2001 and will premiere early March.

The operative words here are "back in" and "2001". Time out: Wasn't this shat out when the Trade Centers were still up? New rule: No remaking of songs the terrorists might have had on their iPods!

But seriously, it's like somebody read my mind. For so many years I've struggled with this bizarre sense of emptiness. A hollow in my soul, the cause of which I couldn't quite place. I tried to fill it with the usual stuff - drugs, alcohol, 10 babies. And yet, nothing seemed to make it better.

Until now. There is truly a ribbon in the sky on this blessed Thursday. Now excuse me while I do The Worm to "Oh Happy Day."

Be concerned: Oral sex=oral cancer, Bobby Brown is back and Michael's kids are already startin' it up!

Around the web:

CBS says Oral Sex causing cancer
Fortunately, I stopped having sex of all varieties back in the late '70s, but Superhead and this girl named Neeka from 'round the way should proooobably start getting their affairs in order...

Rihanna skipped event to spare “vocal chords”
*drops to knees* Please, please lawdy lawd, don't let anything happen to Rihanna's vocal chords!!!

Bobby Brown and Bobby Valentino perform
Well Jaysus, I didn't even realize Bobby V had remade Bobby Brown's "Rock Wit'Chu" ... or that he was still around ... or that Bobby Brown was still around...

Willow Smith had a party and you weren't invited
That BETCH! This isn't over. By far. To the Fortress of Solitude!

Michael's children want to follow in dad's footsteps
Alls I'm saying is that one of them is 14, suckin' his thumb, speaking in monosyllables and refering to himself as Blanket. I suspect he's well on his way to Jackson glory. I'm at a loss for what these children's employment options will be other than some form of bizarre reclusivity. Maybe Ja Rule can get them on at Cinnabon after all! Nah, he never could get the icing right.

The Hostile Negress Defines: Heirloom Weave (I'm going there. Today.)

HEIRLOOM WEAVE (Also: Hairloom Weave): An attachment of fake, wanna be Beyonce weave hair, typically matted, gnarled, dingy, involuntarily loc’ing or otherwise mangled, which has seen better days or possibly better centuries, yet continues to be the centerpiece of a female’s hair wardrobe; commonly seen among “ratchet” females and typically attached with bond glue. So-called because, like a treasured locket, a family Bible or Grammy’s quilt, this wet and wavy weave has been vacuum sealed and handed down through several generations of ratchet women until it landed on the present dome. Occasionally spotted on Antiques Scalawag Roadshow.

Example of its use:

Takwisha: Well you know, I mean, Foxy Boog’s hair isn’t really that bad if you look at it really fast, during sunset.

Aisha: Girl stop your lies! I believe in antiquing and I am SO glad her Nana stored that wet and wavy weave in her hope chest for all those years, but it’s time to let the Josephine Baker-era yaki go far, far away!

This was brought to you by the letter H. For Hostile. But you already knew that.

*humming and rocking* I said I wasn't gonna tellllll noobodddddddyyyyy!!!

Ja Rule recording new album, filming new reality show

I'm emphasizing "new" because I want you all to realize that I am indeed, NOT speaking to you from a vortex in the year 1999. With that said, I encourage you to slip into a Gordon's fisherman outfit, because this shat is about to get chest-deep.

So um er, before Ja Rule goes off to jaily jail, he has a few things he has to wrap up - one might assume settling affairs concerning his position with Cinnabon and ensuring all his small man clothing is in storage. Well one would be wrong.

Ja Rule is makin' moves son!

From AllHipHop:

Rapper Ja Rule is working on a new reality show, as he prepares to surrender to police in March, to start a 2 1/2 year prison sentence.
Ja, who is currently in Miami putting the finishing touches on his album Renaissance Project, is also busy filming the untitled reality series.

To quote Scooby Doo, bow rorrowoworrowww? New reality show? Hell, NEW ALBUM? Alright, which one of you wanted some more Ja-rhymes? Raise your hand up, it's ok. We won't judge you. But we will have to thrash you.

"My reality show, I like it because it's showing a strong black family going through a tough time," Ja Rule said. "And how we band together as a family and how my wife and kids, my moms and her moms, bond together during this tough time when I have to go in."
Although the series will deal with Ja Rule's upcoming bid, the rapper said the main focus of the show was about "black love." "It's really a good show and it shows black love in a good way," Ja Rule said.

*swan dives into casket*

And THAT is how you start your Wednesday!

And still I gag: This week's Foxy Brown moment

This:

According to TMZ, the female emcee was scheduled to perform on Wednesday (February 16th) at a Fashion Week event for designer Indashio that didn't go over so well with the party planners. The event was a fashion show after-party at New York City’s Red Bull Space. Foxy showed up minutes before the event closed, at 1:20 AM the next day (February 17th) completely intoxicated.

Foxy then locked herself in one of the restrooms and refused to come out. She was physically removed by a security guard and escorted off the premises.

I don't EVEN have time to be creative with this. I'm gonna start slapping these posts about The Truly Outrageous World of Inga Marchand up with about as much care and consideration as she shows toward her eyeliner.

Anyway, the crowning jewel of the evening, according to MissJia, was this:


Get. Your. Glamour. Shots. AWWWWWWNNNN!

This is all pretty rote - predictable and mechanical, you know, sorta like Rihanna's stage performances always being a chop. But what IS interesting is the notion of Foxy having a paying job and just who was ready to throw some coins on the table for a "performance" almost certain to start with Henny and end before a magistrate?

Well, wondering just what this Indashio was and whether s/he was on the same yayo as The Fox, I did a little sniffing around. I discovered a web site and pix that were quite ovah.

But like all coonery, the shazzam finally set in in the form of an "About Indashio" page that set me wayyyy back in my effort to stop coonin' and get my day started.

Celebrities that adore INDASHIO include Amber Rose, Aubrey O'day, Amerie, Amanda Lepore, Christina Milian, Eve, Kat De Luna, Kelis, Kim Kardashian, Lindsey Wixson, Lil'Kim, Nicky Hilton, Patricia Field, Sessilee Lopez, Selita Ebanks, Shontelle, Theodora Richards, Tyra Banks, Vanessa Carlton, Vivica Fox to name a few.

*screeeeeech*

Come get your stuff and don't call me. No mo.

CNN reports on black women and natural hair "trend" at Bronner Bros. show

Mmmmhmmm. THEM Bronner Bros.

Well it's official - natural hair has arrived! CNN said so! And the Bronner Bros. told them, so you KNOW it's as official as Oprah's thighs. I'm just sayin' what would we do if CNN didn't keep us in the know about the hottest, latest trends? I just read their piece on Kid-n-Play - it's hot shit!

Bronner Bros. show highlights natural hair

Someone keep my epinephrine pen on hand; I feel a few seizures coming on. Consider yourself blessed that I'm sparing you the slide show. The article is set at the Bronner Bros. latest coon-out (be EXTRA glad you were spared THAT) where apparently, naps had a cameo appearance:

... going natural, say several stylists and experts, is making a comeback.
There were education sessions for women who were curious about styling their natural curls in courses titled "Innovative Styling for Natural and Locked Hair" and "The Art of Natural Hair."
Several booths featured organic shampoos and styling tools for customers, many of whom stopped using chemical products after experiencing negative side effects such as hair loss or burns. Bronner Bros. is a family-owned black hair care product empire based in Marietta, Georgia.

This is why I love when CNN gets all "ethnic" with it. You see, to the common observer, it might seem like they're as late as a pair of all-red KSwiss and a Gumby (You rocked it ALL, don't try it). But an esteemed journalist such as myself can see that this is REALLY a very sophisticated news delivery mechanism in which CNN manages to beat the competition by posting the news AFTER it's already been news.

Ahhhhhhhhhh! Catch the elevator - they're on the next level boo!

Last year, young music star Willow Smith, daughter of musician-actor Will Smith and actress Jada Pinkett-Smith, debuted with the colorful, hair-tossing song "Whip My Hair," which encourages young girls to embrace their who they are -- and their manes.

See there. Yet again, they are breaking it all the way down. See, YOUR ignorant ass thought "Whip My Hair" was actually a part of Jada's continued plot for dramatic femmequeen dominance in the gay male ball scene. WRONG! It was an uplifting message about embracing your natural self, jauntily delivered by a 9 year old with a mohawk that tickles the top of her calves (when-I-take-the-pins-out-my-hair-drops-down-to-my-ass game proper). And it's funny because that's her natural hair. Yes. It is.

I loved this article when ______ wrote it back in _____.

I predict CNN will soon be covering the hell out of the breaking trend of rap music and name earrings.

You don't know n'aer news organization....