Sunday, January 9, 2011

Great travesties in black film: The Heart Specialist (the devil is a liar!)

All. Star. Cast.

While you all were busy analyzing Linethia's RHOA hair sculpture, they slipped the above on us.

How glorious will this be? Take a peek and tell me:

In the name of the father, son, holy ghost and Sherman Helmsley, I want to say I officially BIND everybody involved with this. The actors. The directors. The writers. The grips. The people in charge of teasin' Marla's wigs and attaching her to the system of ropes and pullies that's surely keeping her ancient ass upright.

I will, however, send an economy sized bag of cheetos and a jar of Blue Magic to the makeup artist who spackled Jasmine Guy. Making her look 50 is truly a feet that deserves a danish or a Soul Train award or some type of recognition.

Haven't heard of this one? Apparently you're not the only one: While this is allegedly supposed to come out in two weeks (In theatres. In North America.) it still hasn't been rated.

Where they do THAT at?

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, what pre-Armageddon planetary alignment has occured that created this particular slate of black "stars" (cough)? Mya and Method Man is already TRYING IT. Marla Gibbs, Terence J and Jennifer Lewis made me take my belt off.

But did they conjure up LEON???

I won't take on Avon Barksdale, since I know times have been hard since The Wire went night night, but I must give a misty side eye to Ed Asner. Dayum, what's REALLY going on there!

Again, I say, I BIND thee! The devil is a liar! This ain't over - expect to hear from my lawyer AND my ancestors behind this shenaniganry. Now let's just see which one of you all goes to see it. Tell ya what, you do that, and I'll be at home doing this:


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