It's a family afffffffaaaaaaaiiiiiiiir!!!!
For review:
I don't know about you, but I had hoped that (in the spirit of International Drag Month) Oprah's big secret would involve her removal of certain female acoutrements set to the tune of "I'm Comin' Out" but I guess that's too much to ask. So instead we're treated to a Sister Sledge type of set up, replete with tears and hand holding.
Awwwwwwww, black love :)
Now far be it from The Hostile Negress to turn a moment of ebony familial bliss into an opportunity to focus on money. After all, I myself do this for the love of shade - and for an extra shake or three of fry seasoning by my homies at Bojangles. But I'm gonna just go ahead and state the obvious -
Jackpot! Boogers to baguettes! Fuck work! BALLLLLLLIIIIIIINNNNN'!
Don't act like you didn't think about it. This broad is gonna be donning a bathing suit and swimming in Oprah's Ebenezer McScroogesque pool of hundreds faster than you can say "Fuck Indian hair - Italian weave only from now on!"
Recognizing the genius of the ole long lost relative routine, yours truly has thought up her own scheme, er, plan to reunite a family.
Until now, I have kept this factoid pretty far under my hat, lest the media bombard my peeps. But I feel like now is the time to come out:
(and don't you DARE insult my father's chest ringlets!)
The year was 1980. The incident involved the windswept duo, a beach and a gang of Tanqueray. Months later, I am told, I washed up on the shores of Lake Michigan in a bedazzled hat box, with a bottle of activator tucked under my tiny arm.
I am proud to assume the A and S throne and all of the responsibilities and benefits that come along with it, including (I presume) roughly $500.
The floor is now open for musical requests!
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