Monday, April 25, 2011

Of Faith and Fuggery: Black Florida Politician says Slavery Was A Blessing

Billy Blanks, this is NOT how you come out of the closet.

If a picture is truly worth a thousand words, scream “Magenta!” about 80 dozen times and you’ll have this portrait about summed up. I could go further in on her day glo, all booberry-erythang blush/lip game, but fuck it. I see your Fashion Fair spokesmodel halo boo!

In case you were wondering – and if you have a normal functioning sex drive, you DEFINITELY were - this splendiferous sampling of southern ladyhood is Kimberly Daniels - a Florida minister, self-acclaimed “demon buster” and if I don’t miss my guess, vagina enthusiast *pearl clutch* who is currently running for city council in Jacksonville, Fla.

So you’re thinking, OK THN – other than favoring Billy Blanks with a six-piece Remy “Oprah” weave and Marge Simpson’s suit from that one episode where she changed clothes, what is this woman’s claim to fuggery fame?


From The Huffington Post:
Perhaps, the most shocking quote from Daniels, who is African American, came when she portrayed slavery as a heavenly gift.
“I thank God for slavery," preached Daniels, in a sermon that was captured on video. "If it wasn't for slavery, I might be somewhere in Africa worshiping a tree."

Now see, that’s where you’re wrong. You would be a kang in Africa! Doesn’t she see how well they treated Muhammed Ali – a man with whom she shares exact physical dimensions? She could pass herself off as his seed and score a double-wide hut with central fanning and wall-to-wall mud floors faster than you can say chiseled jawline. Shit, she looks just Henry Cele, the actor from the old Shaka Zulu movie. You’d better get on over there and claim your 50 virgin wives girl!

Apparently this isn’t her first fuggery foray:
"I do not buy candy during the Halloween season," Daniels told Charisma magazine on October 27, 2009. "Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door-to-door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store. The demons can't tell the difference."

Well now on this, I must agree: Curses DEFINITELY travel through Tootsie Rolls. I’ve spent one too many nights undergoing intense Quilted Northern therapy to dispute that much!

It would seem the voters have had some demonic Butterfinger run ins too: HuffPo reports that on March 17th she received 43-percent of the vote and forced a May 17th run off with Republican David Taylor.

If that don’t be all.

Well, the good news is that, given Florida’s longstanding status as a top producer of fuckery, her election could do nothing to worsen the state’s sitcheeation.


The bad news: If they don’t at least get this firewood choppin’ batch to cast off the demon of ProBuild 3000 – with which she is so CLEARLY waging a losing battle - a ‘roid rage incident is bound to occur in the council chambers.

And if her Marine-sized guns are any indication, domes will get cracked, chairs flipped and the overall environment will go Vibe Awards REAL quick.

She Hulk game proper!

You see it.


  1. Girl that's too much! Massa needs to take a cane and whip dat ass!

  2. LMAO, this was good.