Monday, April 18, 2011

Jesse Jackson Jr. Blames iPad For Jobs Lost (Stocks in Black Shame Rise...)

In a move cleverly calculated to secure the Jackson family’s dominance as the nation’s lead producer of political fuckery and general race shame, Jesse Jackson Jr. (Jesse Jackson son no. 4,000) is personally blaming the iPad for destroying the economy – mmmmhmm, Steve Jobs and his magical fun screen are lowering book store sales > shutting down jobs > taking fish nuggets DIRECTLY out of the mouth of little Raheems across Brooklyn.

Don't deny the correlation!

From Engadget:

Publishers, librarians, and booksellers are losing their jobs and It's all entirely the iPad's fault. Forget the Kindle's millions of sales, the iPad did it. In a technophobic rant to rival all technophobic rants that have come before it, Illinois Representative Jesse Jackson Jr. accuses the iPad's popularity for the current level of unemployment in his nation, before proceeding to sculpt a rickety argument about how the First Amendment to the US Constitution is being exploited for the benefit of China.

(PS: I love this term, “technophobe” – it has an updated hatey ring to it I think today’s modern bigots will like. I’ll see if we can get the Westboro people onboard!)

Well I for one totally agree with Jackson. I mean, black folks have a looooong history of dominating the librarian industry. And have you BEEN to a bookstore this decade? They’re virtually CRAWLING with blacks, long known for our high reading SAT scores and general love of books and knowledge. I hear the KKK is a leading investor in Kindle technology for just that reason!

Gadaffi. Side. Eye.

Ok, besides stepping their hair game up to at least a 1999 level of relevance, the Jacksons can be a lot more useful if they focus on the things that really ARE problems – ie. The fact that too many black youths and hell, even their parents, are tech illiterate outside of knowing how to download the latest Travis Porter ringtone. Back about 50 million years ago, the push was getting computers into inner city communities. Well that era is OVER – it’s not enough to have a clunky Rayovac-type PC/paper weight in a Chicago community center serving as an oversized typewriter. Push to get some tech training into these inner city communities so that rather than crying about blacks losing low-paying bookstore jobs (which, PS, really aren’t heavily populated by the Children of The Sun) folks can be celebrating how many blacks are getting jobs with Apple – and commensurate salaries!

*somewhere in the distance, an old black man rocks on his pew*

Girl, sometimes THN gots to take ya to the bridge!

Seriously, I’m a little disappointed that no matter how much we spray for them, no matter how many times Terminix is called, the Jacksons keep coming back to wave their magic fuckery wands. It’s bad enough we won’t likely get The Whites drunk enough to elect another Obama this millennium; you keep saying shat like this, and deportations to the Ivory Coast might begin next week!

Oh wait, there’s more:

Jackson, himself an iPad owner, expanded on his statement by pointing to the recent bankruptcy of Borders Books...

WTF??? Meanwhile, he uses the Interweb??!! The Interweb is directly responsible for the destruction of the formerly lucrative “Town Crier” industry, once a heavy employer of negreaux across America. Loud-mouthed, hollerin’ ninjas the nation over are now reduced to just being noisy bastards in McDonald’s lines and movie theaters.

You’re part of the problem Jackson. You. Are. Part. Of. The. PROBLEM!!!!

PS: Don’t fuck with Steve Jobs. He’ll have you AND your Steve Harvey-style box fade rubbed out faster than you can say keep hope alive. Just sayin’…

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