Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Braxton Family Values (Advanced Placement Fuggery - Get Ready for Your Test!!)

UPDATE: May the spirit of wet and wavy weave rest upon this family.

I just have no earthly idea why these womens' hair consistantly looks like dryer lint, but every SINGLE time I see them I feel the need to hand someone a hijab.

Meanwhile - can we get Tamar Braxton on the adoption market? It's not too late. I'm sure a Pimp Named Silky will take her on.

And perhaps he'll be willing to press her out. Everybody wins!!!!

As for Toni Braxton - no shade, I need the key to unlock the mystery of her swole up cheek situation STAT.

Forgive me father for I have sinned!

In a highly uncharacteristic show of selfish concern with the future livelihood of my vagina, last Tuesday, I went on a date rather than staying at home and tending to my exhaulted coon-monitoring duties. The result: No Twitter, THN or any type of coverage of the split end, wet and wavy weave fest that is Braxton Family Values.


No more! I have learned the error of my ways and the power of my duties as a documenter of the age-old fuggery of the children of the sun.

So tonight, tune in here for live blogging (I can see you setting your phone reminder – I love you too baby!) as I continue to take notes on the destruction of the negro race artistic posturing that is Braxton Family Values.

I wish I could give you a review of the second week, dear reader, but as I mentioned, I was off galavanting with lust in my heart and ky jelly in my purse. But I feel secure in saying it definitely involved a lot of Tamar in full sail dramatic cunt mode; her husband sittin' her down in still HIGHER dramatic cunt mode (proving that he is indeed the mother of the house and his children SHALL obey) and the rest of her sisters desperately searching for their respective relevancies, possibly with the aid of a private eye. Oh and Toni being pie-faced and over the fact that this is her life.

Take a look at the initial episode trailer - and tell me that's NOT what happened...

See you all at 9 loveboogers!

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