Thursday, April 7, 2011

You Tried It: Nicki Minaj Covers Elle (Her Cakes Decline to Appear!)

You’ll never get to heaven with these sorts of stunts.

Minaj, usually known for her colorful wigs and bright makeup, is featured in Elle's Music Issue' as one of their “Gold Dust Women.” (I REFUSE to SEE that - THN)
As previously reported, the issue also features Jennifer Hudson, Aretha Franklin (YASSSS!) and Willow Smith speaking on their taste in music and own personal style.
In Nicki's spread she dons jet black liner, a simple black wig and designer pieces, a far cry from what her fans are used to.

Sooooo, riddle me this: Tweren’t the booty cheeks of Miss Nicki “Cakes-o-Plenty” Minaj JUST doubling as a moonbounce at the carnival last weekend?

Didn’t she hip-check Japan and cause 7.2 magnitude destruction for the entire nation like, LAST WEEK?

In other words, wasn’t she juuuuuust lookin’ like a 15-scoop sundae??? Sort of like this:

(I’m not here to talk about anybody’s stripper-going-to-the-library outfit, so I’ll just toss her a Snuggi and put this on my intensive prayer therapy list…)

Aaaaaaaand now you’re looking like a sample size 00? I know Elle is behind this – white fashion overlords won’t let Nicki’s Booty Pop ever fully be great! Now I don't live in an alternative universe - I know that many of our musical angels rely on the photoshop diet to fix Mother Nature's handiwork (not you Fantasia - I know that's ALL your jelly...).

But going from Amber Rose to Giselle Bundchen????

Girl, I. DO. NOT.

*hurls flaming butt pads at computer*

Logging off.

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