Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Chris Brown goes James Evans on GMA - and other shat we saw coming

Look at me now indeed.

Well we all knew it was coming. Hiding behind those endearing beaver teeth and that non-threatening Spike Lee "Do The Right Thing" flip-billed cap, The Hulk was still lurking. Waiting for just the right moment to rip a door off the hinges or tear a phone book in half or raise hell at Cinnabon when they forget to put the little side container of cream cheese in his bag (Ja Rule deserves better than your customer antics, thank you).

According to TMZ, by way of ABC, by way of some staffers scared shitliss Brown was gonna bite them, the Fame artist went all James Evans in the episode when he had hypertension (chair, meet wall) when an Good Morning America interview kept veering back to the whole Rihanna punchy punchy, facey facey, arresty arresty incident.

I hate when people bring up my felonies too. It really wasn't that much heroin, I mean, really.

But the real fun unfolded after the interview.

ABC sources told TMZ:

Brown freaked out, storming into his dressing room and screaming so loud, the people in hair and makeup became alarmed and called security.
We're told Brown was out of control, and one source present tells us he smashed a window in his dressing room, and the glass shattered and some shards fell onto 43rd and Broadway.
We're told by the time security rushed the area, Brown had ripped off his shirt and left the building, blowing off another performance he was supposed to do for the ABC website.

I'm gonna rip my shirt off the next time I experience poor customer service at Ruby Tuesdays. Bet they put some stank on it and get me my potstickers in a timely fashion then...

Now far be it from me to condone such behavior or ever give the green light to his attack on The Redheaded Scourge of Barbados. But all I'm saying is that someone needs to consider a key factor that is playing into Brown's behavior:

Have any of YOU ever been there? Of course you haven't. Because it requires a time machine similar to what Urkel used to become Urkell on Family Matters and only four negroes are allowed in or out of the place a year. There's a gas station. A water tower. And another gas station.

The largest city nearby: Richmond, Va.

And if you know Richmond like I know Richmond, that is NOT a good look.

I'm not saying that he's right for his continued rage against the machine. But I'm just saying if you'd been raised in the Land of Never After, where Juneteenth has yet to arrive, you might be a little bananas too.

Oh and if Rihanna gave you herpes. That might also burn your rolls a little. Literally. (I need sleep)

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