Friday, March 11, 2011

Gaddafi is runway ready - and so is Mandela (please bury me facing due west...)


Can we PLEASE set aside our morning muffin tops and international shade to embrace the stunning optical glory that is Muammar Gadaffi?

I mean, sure, from my understanding, this gentlesquire may have been involved with some type of chicanary of the dictatorship sort. Haven’t we ALL?

And yes, there may be a few thousand deaths or tortures or disembowelments or something that he’s loosely connected to. Aren’t we ALL?

But even Michelle Obama herself can’t deny the unwavering swag-magoria of this exquisite fashion horse.

Pale yellow inaugural ball gown my chafed ass – what does SHE know about that nite-glo purple, satin night sheet/throw that doubles as a couture monk’s robe, with the Eddie Murphy "Raw" pillbox hat to match?


Mother Gadaffi, the rest of the world may be aligned against you, but I know what's really going on - they can't take your fashion misfitry. So many times I too have fallen up in the club in my full length, Mmbaka Couture cape (with lion's mane hood) and Terminator shades only to hear these likes of Obama and the rest of these ignorant UN types keekeeing at my style. They can't take us girl, they can't. take. us.

Speaking of fashion, the negroes did THIS today:

(nobody will win in this scenario, I promise you)

From So Jones -
The Mandela Foundation is coming out with a clothing line. Named after Mandela’s inmate number at Robben Island Prison (oooof!) the 46664 Apparel Line was announced yesterday.
The profits from this project will help sustain the foundation’s charitable gifts and at the same time boost South Africa’s textile and clothing industry which has been in trouble for quite some time.

Is this what they call serendipity? I mean, I’ve been wracking my brain for months now on how I could pull off a 1993 African lollipop kid soccer player look (reminiscent of Arsenio Hall’s outfit in the morning exercise scene of “Coming to America”) in shades of ROYGBIV. If this comes with croquet mallots, summer 2011 is gonna be all the way turnt up on my end. (I predict this will be VERY popular at Capital Pride...)

Just out of curiousity, aren’t there some nations that Mandela and them need to be freeing or some people that need to be unoppressed or something?

Because all I’m seeing here is more opportunity for fashion oppression. Haven’t Africans been dressing badly long enough – don’t be offended dear reader, you know you have a Ntzake or a Kwaku or a Tesfaye in your life who won’t let that hard bottom shoe and sweat pants combo go softly into the night! (Don’t they set it AWF with a sweater… so 3008)

This is the biggest disappointment since my Lil Flip sneakers got lost in snail mail… AND my Jeezy snowman fanny pack was ruined in that freak “This Is It” wing sauce incident … AND I lost my AKOO tampon case at Six Flags.

Why won’t life let me be great???

(PS: With the entire cast of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills as my witness, one day I too will be rich enough to afford to have my body reupholstered in head to toe suede.)

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